Wednesday, December 31, 2008
But, as to no surprise, I knew something would happen to completely deflate me.
My throat is thick. It's another cold! The third one this winter.
My father, for all problem solving purposes, advised me to get some NyQuil for my sleeping arrangement.
What a fucking horrible idea, although fun. I'm sitting at work afraid to answer the phone due to my uneasy voice and stagnant, cloudy memory. There is a lot of questions I have to ask when I answer the phone and doctors dont like to be asked twice. I'm slumping all over in my chair, I'm warm and it feels nice.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Take me take me take me.
I'm hardened but also an emotional mess.
After I leave my place of employment, I get to give one of my children up.
I want some movies.
I want some junk food.
I start my new diet on Monday.
Healthy food only.
"Is butter a carb?"
I'm going fucking mad.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
I have them today.
I need to stop listening to music that makes me want to hurl myself off a tall building.
And miss people I shouldn't be missing. But happy upbeat music just seems to ironic in this weather.
As much as I hate Christmas, I'm eager for it to come. I get to see my family, which some people dread. I do not.
Hopeful for some new boots soon. Boots that don't make my feet wet when I run through a slight puddle.
Monday, December 8, 2008
I'm anxious, I'm sore, I'm horribly awkward and I can't seem to keep my balance.
I need sleep. My body aches for it. I need some horizontal nothingness.
Otherwise, everything is good.
I'm trying to not notice my aching limbs and back.
Lily Allen's sweet voice seems to be taking the focus off.
But this is my worry today about myself:
I wish I was able to make choices that would be somewhat selfish.
Sounds wierd, I know. But I need to be selfish sometimes and do what is best for me.
Even if it means I have to hurt someone else. Fuck.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I saw Justin W. last night at young actors rehearsal. It's coming together good. After that, Jessica came and met up with us, we went to YATS, then went down the street to Old Point Tavern for a drink. I had sailor and cola. It was tasty & strong.
Not much to report on. Still looking for a new means to an end.
Check out my wife's new video if you want too. She's pretty talented. I'm a proud wifey.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
All I've been doing lately is reading literature, hanging out with some good people, getting hyped for YAT & christmas, and watching movies. I really can't complain. This winter hasn't yet been as ridiculous as I expected it to be. And the less I go out drinking, the less drama I seem to have in my life. Hmm, wonder why.
I'm sleepy today. I want work to be over now. Let's go to the cinema.
1. buying bananas for grilled PB & banana sandwiches. I might make Jello too? hyped!
2. dishes :[ not hyped.
3. cleaning my room, while getting down with some radiohead on vinyl.
4. reading my book
5. nap time
6. possible Bridget Jones' Diary on VHS / Rushmore? [high school movie night.]
7. yelling at my cat children. [I assume mischievous behavior is going on while I'm not at home right now.]
sounds like a fantastic night to me.
Don't bother me.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I haven't wanted to go out. I have just wanted to stay in, take a painkiller, smoke ciggs, and read.
Eating speghetti has been a high priority as well.
"I don't have a lot of money, but I'm not poor. I eat a lot of speghetti."
But, I enjoy my alone time, eating speghetti and reading my nerdy book plus keeping up on my weekly shows.
Tonight, though, I owe it to myself to go out and have a few drinks before the big day.
I need to deal with the pain tonight of what is going to happen after Thanksgiving.
"My ass is going to get so fucking fat." That's what I'm thinking.
It's all downhill from here until summer strikes and a loose 15 lbs automatically due to constant moving around and stress of knowing that summer will someday end.
I need to find a speed habit real quick.
But not really.
I need to be semi-responsible tonight, with how late I stay out and how many shots I ingest.
I have to get up early and use my highly untrained cooking...or baking skills, I guess it would be, to make green bean caserole. A dish my mother is making me bake for the fam. "Green bean caserole is fucking nasty. Do you have my smokes?" Yes, it's a dish I dispise.
Awesome, in all the glory of my hangover, I get to make the nastiest thanksgiving dish in my tiny oven.
Katie informed me last night, when we were talking about Thanksgiving and her diet, "Fuck it, I'm going to put gravy on my turkey. Fuck it." I was proud. No one should have to diet on Thanksgiving unless you were the turkey that didn't want to get killed.
Someone I work with must have sprayed something that smells like cherry jell-o right by where I sit. It smells so good in my cubicle right now.
-buying a new goddamn tire
-speghetti night at the fams
-drinks in broadripple
Friday, November 21, 2008
It's bitterly cold outside. I felt so sick before I left for work. I still feel tired and super sickly now. ughhh
If there is a god, I will be rested up and well for Thanksgiving & my grandmothers homemade mac-a-roni n cheese.
This winter has started off wierd for me. Not bad, just weird.
This is the first winter in 5 years that I have been alone. It's so crazy to think about.
Now, that I'm single and living away from all the toxic mess of my last relationship, I don't want to be with anyone for a really long time. I have been enjoying my alone time a whole lot. It's awesome.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
The first text was her boasting about how she got some adderall. I texted her back how that sounded like fun, how many did she get because I would be delighted to buy some from her. She texted back that she only had one. psh whatever.
Then today, I am sitting at my desk at work. I am very hungry. I think she sensed this somehow because she texted me and again boasted about how she is about to eat a pizza and asked me if I was jealous. What a bitch, right? Dangling her adderall and amazing low-carb pizza in my face. One more outburst from her, and I'm pulling this car over...on our friendship.
- Last night, Jessica and I met up with Derek and Jesse Lee at the Brass Ring in Fountain Square. Jesse was working and served us shots that tasted like food. One shot that tasted like apple pie and another that was supposed to taste like peanut butter and jelly but it just ended up tasting like a white russian. Then Derek blew us away with a couple card tricks and Jesse taught us how to play Gin Rummy. I owned that game. After that, anymore card games he tried to teach us, I was completely confused. My brain can only ingest the learning's of one card game a month.
I have a lot to get done today:
1. Write out a mass email for YAT
2. Call Art Institute for help with costumes
3. Call Beaver. A lot of calling people.
4. Go to the southside and cash a check
5. get kitty litter.
This doesn't seem like a lot, but it is.
I have to get shit done.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
My night to chill out before the weekend, eat fucking speghetti, and watch movies.
My weekends always seem to start on thursday nights, because I get sloppy drunk...even though I have to work at 8am on Friday.
That's my thing.
That's what I do.
- I met up with the artistic director of YAT yesterday, Justin. He is awesome. He is very intense but calming at the same time. I've never met anyone who could get my attention like he does. Jessica and I have deemed him one of our saints. The other is Maury, the bartender from the Alley Cat in Broadripple. He always comes up, gives us hugs, and makes us good drinks. We need more saints. We haven't found many in the Indianapolis area. Many people we have come to meet are assholes. We just want them to go to hell.
- I am trying to find more interesting ways to make the best grilled cheese sandwich ever. Apparently, my roomate Ben thinks his grilled cheeses are tip top. I went grocery shopping the other day and I got these ingrediants to make the best grilled cheese ever: swiss cheese, wheat bread, eggs, tomatos, cheddar cheese...
Plus I'm going to get some avacados. I think it sounds fantastic.
you should watch this video if you want:
Thursday, November 13, 2008
He has a lot of really awesome wall art. We spent a small portion of last night running around the apartment and seeing which framed photograph looked better where on our wall. My apartment looks better already. I will post some photos when I take them.
I applied at H&M. I hope I get a job there. Le sigh. I need to get out of this cubicle. If I did leave this place of employment, I will miss only 2 people out of the 100 some that work here. Isn't that sad? I've made no attempt to connect with anyone in my office except Cheo and Sara. Sara is my team leader and she is amazing. I always go to her when I have a crush on a new boy, or when I'm upset about a former boy. She tells me about her husband. He is a stupid asshole. She derserves better.
I will also miss Cheo. He is, like, the playboy of my department. All the ladies in my department and even from outside departments looove some Cheo. He sits in the cubicle directly next to mine. I always hear his rap music coming from his headphones. He likes to call and play me M.I.A. through my work phone. It makes me very happy. It reminds me of that scene from The Virgin Suicides. Those boys call the Lisbon girls when they are in lockdown and play them records over the phone.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
internet. read it:
So, I came to a brief revelation this morning about my whole blogging situation. And I have found that it's very theraputic for me. As silly as that might sound, it's the truth. It's a place to direct all my thoughts and fun times, expressed.
I feel very clear headed today. I've had a lot on my mind lately about people in my life and just my life in general. But today, I feel very calm & clear about everything. I'm a lot more optimistic than I thought I would be. My week started off strange and unexpected.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
- I think need to give my cats away. My apartment is too small and one of them pissed on my bed. Probably Wubbie. But I have a feeling I'm going to need their cuddles and purrs in the coming weeks. So give them away yet, I will not. Adoption interviews, coming soon. I want them to have a home in the country & away from city life. I should get a fish.
- I'm so incrediably hungry right now. But I'm trying this new diet where I don't eat unless I have the money too. I believe it's called the broke hoe diet. I don't have money, presently, so I don't get to eat. Tough love. But, on the upside, I fit into these pants that I didn't fit into 3 weeks ago. Rad.
- I need some painkillers, for my back and recreational use.
- I need to make a list of things to do for the winter so I don't get the blues. My friends Jessica and Ben did this...so I think I'm going to steal that idea. Will report back at a later time when I get some ideas.
- I want to marry Jason Bateman.
- I wrote out a grocery list today. It made me come to the realization that I am becoming my mother.
- Check out Trendyblanks.com. You won't be disapointed.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Tonight is going to be uneventful for me. I'm tired. My body is sore. I've had a tummy ache since I woke up. I had a very restless night of sleep last night. I need some Arrested Development, ciggs, my bed, and maybe some kitties to accompany me.
Monday, November 3, 2008
"Split Needles" The Shins
"Reptilia" The Strokes
"Search and Destroy" Iggy Pop & the Stooges
"All I need" Radiohead
"Naomi" Neutral Milk Hotel
sidenote: "Naomi" sounds like some brilliant cover of a certain slow song that FAR did on Water Solutions. I can't seem to wrap my head around it.
"Playground Love" Air
I feel really good.
I am almost done filling out my loan application for school.
I have two very respectable references.
I don't know why I feel so good slowly getting into debt.
Oh well. Fuck it.