Wednesday, December 31, 2008

now that I have expired, I should be honest.

Today is the day I am going to Milwaukee.
But, as to no surprise, I knew something would happen to completely deflate me.
My throat is thick. It's another cold! The third one this winter.
My father, for all problem solving purposes, advised me to get some NyQuil for my sleeping arrangement.
What a fucking horrible idea, although fun. I'm sitting at work afraid to answer the phone due to my uneasy voice and stagnant, cloudy memory. There is a lot of questions I have to ask when I answer the phone and doctors dont like to be asked twice. I'm slumping all over in my chair, I'm warm and it feels nice.

Friday, December 12, 2008

going going gone.

Bad bad. Horrible day.
Take me take me take me.
I'm hardened but also an emotional mess.
After I leave my place of employment, I get to give one of my children up.

I want some movies.
I want some junk food.
I start my new diet on Monday.
Healthy food only.
"Is butter a carb?"

I'm going fucking mad.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I'm an animal.

It looks as if I were too soon to speak about the winter blues.
I have them today.
I need to stop listening to music that makes me want to hurl myself off a tall building.
And miss people I shouldn't be missing. But happy upbeat music just seems to ironic in this weather.
As much as I hate Christmas, I'm eager for it to come. I get to see my family, which some people dread. I do not.

Hopeful for some new boots soon. Boots that don't make my feet wet when I run through a slight puddle.

Listening to
Weird fishes/Arpeggi--Radiohead.


Monday, December 8, 2008

everyone's at it.

Today is hell for me. I have been sleeping restlessly for the past few nights.
I'm anxious, I'm sore, I'm horribly awkward and I can't seem to keep my balance.
I need sleep. My body aches for it. I need some horizontal nothingness.

Otherwise, everything is good.
I'm trying to not notice my aching limbs and back.
Lily Allen's sweet voice seems to be taking the focus off.

But this is my worry today about myself:
I wish I was able to make choices that would be somewhat selfish.
Sounds wierd, I know. But I need to be selfish sometimes and do what is best for me.
Even if it means I have to hurt someone else. Fuck.


Thursday, December 4, 2008

she'll make you cum diamonds.

I have a cold in my bones today. I woke up chilled and my hot shower this morning didn't seem to make it any better.
I saw Justin W. last night at young actors rehearsal. It's coming together good. After that, Jessica came and met up with us, we went to YATS, then went down the street to Old Point Tavern for a drink. I had sailor and cola. It was tasty & strong.
Not much to report on. Still looking for a new means to an end.

Check out my wife's new video if you want too. She's pretty talented. I'm a proud wifey.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

real quick

Dear Betsy Johnson,

I know you are better than this.

I love you always,



Life is good. As cheesy as it sounds, I'm living by my motto. I'm keeping it simple. And it's rewarding me so much.

All I've been doing lately is reading literature, hanging out with some good people, getting hyped for YAT & christmas, and watching movies. I really can't complain. This winter hasn't yet been as ridiculous as I expected it to be. And the less I go out drinking, the less drama I seem to have in my life. Hmm, wonder why.

I'm sleepy today. I want work to be over now. Let's go to the cinema.

1. buying bananas for grilled PB & banana sandwiches. I might make Jello too? hyped!
2. dishes :[ not hyped.
3. cleaning my room, while getting down with some radiohead on vinyl.
4. reading my book
5. nap time
6. possible Bridget Jones' Diary on VHS / Rushmore? [high school movie night.]
7. yelling at my cat children. [I assume mischievous behavior is going on while I'm not at home right now.]

sounds like a fantastic night to me.
Don't bother me.


Monday, December 1, 2008

alice ayres.

inspiration for the day. I just want to pick up and leave.