Wednesday, April 22, 2009

the game of life...

I have decided that I am in a happy place in my life.  
I have surrounded myself with the best of the best. 
I absolutely love my job, which is a rare thing for me.
Getting fired from the smart/responsible/boring office job was the best outcome.
I'm not trying to be cocky, but I feel like I look the best then I ever had.
Maybe that is an illusion but ever since I've started working at the bar...I have this new wave of confidence that I've never had before.  Who new that being a cocktail waitress could make you feel so empowered.  I've met so many amazing people who I am honored to call my friends.

this post is a bit goofy but it's honest.
Being young and dumb never felt so good, ya'll.

a blog about Katie but I don't want her to read it.

I know this girl.  She is really beautiful and genuine.  She is a fantastic photographer.  She loves Queen.  She has this laugh that is the best thing ever.  It sounds as if I'm in love with her.....anyways...she's my best friend and she is graduating from college soon....and when I say's next weekend!

I want her to have a big bang after her day of freedom.

these are my ideas:

1] Strippers & cocaine

2] Running naked through the streets

3] Taking her to the mall and making her steal panties from Victoria's Secret with me

4] Going to the east side and getting into a fight with a bum

5] A serious dance party--no smiling

AND for my last, final, and most reasonable plan of attack...

Taking her and all our friends out and getting her way smashed.
She's free now.
Details are being worked out. 


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

june 14th metro



story time

Totally drunk blogging right now.  Oh well.....

I'm going to write about my night tonight.  It was interesting to say the least.

Jessica, Alicia and I went to the Alley Cat tonight.  I usually don't like going to Broadripple other than Monday nights and Thursday nights...I'll explain why right now:

Thursday nights are obvious.  $1 beers at the mineshaft.  You get tipsy and then dance real sexy...then...dun dun dun--alley cat's like going into a familiar restaurant where you've been a thousand times and ordering the usual.  It's a very unspoken schedule--when you go to the Mineshaft on end up at the Alley Cat.   It's the usual.

Monday nights at the Alley Cat were deemed by two people.  Jesse Lee and myself.  I'm not that cool or anything but Jesse knows everyone.  So we would get ahold of everyone we know and go to the Alley cat on monday nights.  Jesse also knows the bartender.  She's awesome so we like to visit her.  She has a very unique and beautiful look to her...almost egyptian.  Plus, she is super sassy.  I kinda adore her.  Anyways, the first time we went to the Alley Cat on a monday one was there.  It was just Jesse, myself, and a few other good friends--plus our lovely bartender.  We took over the jukebox and it was amazing.  There is nothing better than going to a empty bar with good people and listening to good tunes.  Plus, since the bar Jesse and I work at is closed sundays and mondays, it's our weekend!!  

I'm so thirsty right now, I could die.  But my cat is resting on my lap and she is being adorable so I can't move her.  This moment is too precious.  So precious, actually, that I must document:

purr purr purr  :)   A cat sitting on your lap purring is probably one of the most comforting things a human can experience, in my opinion.}

Back to my night...

My girls and I met up with some good people at the bar.  [Stephen, Dustin, Cole, Aaron Miller, Tara and a couple of her lovely friends]

I also ran into a past acquaintance that I haven't seen in a long while.  She used to be roomates with my old roommate/good friend, Kate.  That's how I met her.  She's a sweetheart.  I went up to her and gave her a hug and asked her how she was doing.  She informed me that one of her good friends just passed away, tragically and unexpectedly.  I bought the ladies who she was with and knew her a round of shots.  I know exactly what it's like to go through a situation like that.  The sadness is deafening and overwhelming.  It's almost hard to explain.  The least I felt I could do was to buy the girls shots of buttery crowns.  I hope they are sleeping good tonight.

After that, I enjoyed good conversations with lovely people.  I few of the dudes out tonight don't drink but were still a blast to hang with.  I love guys or ladies that don't drink but still know how to party.     

Well, my mouth tastes like booze right now...yuck.
goodnight blogspot.

Monday, April 13, 2009


I haven't blogged in a long while...strange.

A lot has happened. I lost my office job...good news...I got a job at the Brass Ring Lounge [not a strip club]...better news. I have a completely different lifestyle than i did before. It's amazing. I used to sleep all night and work all day in a prisoned cubicle. It's the complete opposite now. I have a job where I can hang out with my friends and only work two or three days a week making good money and encouraged to drink.

Twilight came out on DVD...and i finished Breaking Dawn. LOVE IT.
I'm now reading The Trial by Kafka. It's interesting.

I did shrooms for the first time last night. yay

I can't complain. Life is good.

I'll be in Chicago mid-June to see Metric with Mr. Jesse Lee!

Summer of fun!

Thursday, March 12, 2009


Life is good.
Friends are good.
Katie and I go to sushi pretty much once or twice a week at Fujiyama.
It's great. We gab about American idol and Twilight. Straight luxury to me.

I'm trying not to take things too seriously and just enjoy myself. For the most part, I am.
But I've come to realize that I'm a very anxious person and I need to just chill out and have a beer.

I get really anxious when I feel like I'm going to be late to something. Justin noticed the other night when we were going to pick my friend Jesse up. I had a set time I was suppose to pick him up and we were running late. I was speeding and getting really frantic. He was trying to calm me down because it wasn't that big of a deal.
My mother said that she would like me to get on some anti anxiety medication.
I have trouble sleeping at night sometimes because I'm worried about something. I get that lovely trait from my mom and grandma.

I start working at the Brass Ring this weekend. I'm very excited about it. VERY. I need to stay busy and make money!
Justin is going out of town to NYC with a couple of his ladyfrans...he is letting me stay at his place so I can sleep in his comfy bed and watch his cable. Stoked! I might even bring my cat.
check this crab's real. eek.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

there is it....

okay, I just need to come out with this.
I've mentioned a few small hints here and there throughout this blog....but nothing completely substantial.
here goes...I love Twilight.
I could totally Twilight-out a lot of you. I know many closet cases...but I'm going to be brave and just say...I'm gay for Twilight. I think vampires are cool. Edward Cullen is the perfect man.
I fucking said it. It's out. Throw tomatos and garbage at me if you will.

a few of my favorite things

This cat is amazing...awesome.

This little guy makes me feel nostalgic.

Hey Edward.

Kate loves scumbags.

The King.

Whiskey smile.

Power couple.

No cigarette burns on the couch! Shave your mustache!


Why would anyone give me a license to serve alcohol to people?
It's ok...I'll be ok. I work at a bar now.
old pic

Thursday, March 5, 2009

text lols

Katie : There's a girl in my psych class named Princess. Ha.
Gabby : Ha awesome. I feel bad for her.
Katie : Yeah she's a tomboy too. I would kill myself.
Gabby : Totally.

Monday, March 2, 2009

that's what I want.

Being so anti-social feels so good.
I hardley talk to anyone anymore.
It's nice to escape. I talk to Katie...and Justin. That's it.

However, shit has been crazy as of late...

+ I most likely will be let go from my job in a week or two.
+ My bills are higher than ever.
+ I want to go back to school so bad!

I just want money....that's what I want.

Young actors is going really well.
I'm still learning how to teach teenagers how to act.
Drama is nothing new to these kids.

I had a pepperjack melt from Steak N Shake the other's all I can think about.
Right now, I want to watch Hot Rod, read the last bit of Breaking Dawn [the last book in the Twilight Series], eat a Pepperjack Melt and cheese fries, sleep a little, smoke a little, and write in my new notebook.

Justin and I are going to start fasting this week, I think.
Fasting and then going to Walmart and buying a Twilight poster to put in his room. No joke.
He is kinda a poser...he doesn't want to read the books...he hates fiction. Fag...

...but for 10 days! No Steak n toxs...
I was recently at a bar and a friend was on this lemon and cayenne pepper diet. Cause I was getting real drunk and he was sipping on a water...supergay. Anyways, I had heard of this diet before BUT always thought it was super unhealthy because Kelly from the office passed out from one weight loss episode. I think Michael had a beard in that particular episode. Anyways, Kelly looked like death.

I have been doing research on it, and apparently, it's ok! My good friend Kate even said it was healthy. I mentioned in a previous blog that it seemed unhealthy, but Kate put that theory to rest. I trust Kate, she knows her stuff.

So I'm going to get super skinny and hot. Then I will make Robert Pattinson my boyfriend...

Thursday, February 26, 2009

gas station

The night I went over to your house, I was in pain.
My torso was bleeding and my leg felt as if it was about to break off. I poured the rest of my gin into the hole in my stomach while I was in the car, on my way there. I screamed out, hoping the feeling would never give in. The alcohol rumbled around my stomach like a hurricane and then filtered down, disapearing into my scarce, white legs. Tears burned down my cheek and I smiled, thanking God for creating such a powerful remedy.
I pulled my car into the gas station for some cigarettes, as I was now drunk as ever. A rich old woman pumping her gas shrieked at the sight of me and I was startled. A diamond rolled down her cheek. It soon turned to ice and crumbled away in bitter winter. She ran up in her high heels, knocked into me, and begged me to tell her why. I nearly fell over as I heard another crack in my leg. I told her, bluntly, that she was lost and should get the fuck away from me. She smacked me in the face as if I were her menace child and told me I was horribly selfish. The hand print blended in with the splattered red, already on my face. I laughed nervously as she got blood on her palms and sharp nails. She gasped again and turned away sobbing. I asked her what her name was and she told me it was Paris Balmain.
She had long and bright red hair that matched her black lined lips. She was cliche, old hollywood.
Her coat was huge and made of real furr.
She was wearing a champagne tinted gown underneath all the animal remains, that barely covered her aging purple skin. She looked like an alien who was lost her way to Mars.
She gave me one last look, got on her knees, and started rubbing the long diamond necklace that was hanging in between her fake tits.
I could tell she was a mother and a grandmother. A woman who was worse off than I was, even in my physical and mental state. She completely lost her mind. She realized there was feeling, past the saphires, expensive wine and getting fucked by the pool boy on her husband's silk sheets, swearing to God.

I could read her mind like a book.

I stumbled into the gas station, wandering aimlessly through the isles. I didn't know what I was looking for. My eyesight flickering on and off from the horrible smell of gasoline and rich bitch perfume that was still hanging in the air. I grabbed some sunglasses and put them on to keep my eyes in my sockets. My eyelashes were falling out. I was worried my eyes were next to go.
I wanted to leave. I wanted to get the blood out of my hair. I wanted to plug up the hole in my stomach. A wine bottle cork would do the trick, I thought to myself.

I was getting thinner by the minute. My skin was turning purple. I would look like Paris Balmain, if this got worse.
I stumbled up to the clerk and begged him to give me his t-shirt and a pack of cigarettes. He looked at me with his dark eyes and jittery hands, and trembling. I realized that I was scaring him like I did the rich bitch outside. I began to take his shirt off of him myself. I asked him if he wanted my money and he looked at me like he had never been touched by a woman all his life. I reached into my pocket to put my cigarettes away and I crouched away, to not startle him any longer.

Because we both knew I was something else.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

your name is....

If I talk to another woman today that is named Barb or Barbara...I might go nuts.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

my my my

My job is ruining my life.
That is all.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Thanks Beyonce...

Did you know that a Diva is a female version of a husstla? I never knew that. Thanks Beyonce.

I saw the "Diva" video and fell in love with these shades.

my long, random weekend.

Justin and I are going to start hanging out again, as friends.
I hung out with him this weekend.
We had a few heart to hearts. Had some drinks.
Completely ignored v-day. Which is really empowering.
I remember the days when valentines day was kinda a huge deal.
I totally forgot until it was, like, 4 oclock on Saturday.

It's kinda sucks though because all Justin and I do is eat when we hang out. So I'm getting fat again. I need to go on that cayanne pepper, lemon juice, and syrup diet. I'm sure it's the most unhealthy thing you can do to yourself...but I just want to be able to fit into my clothes again, dammit.

Revelation : I need to stop caring what people think and be more confident in the choices I make for myself, despite what others think I should do. It's just a stage of growing up. My true friends will be there for me no matter what choices I make, and have been. I'm lucky enough to have Katie and Alicia in my life. They let me live my life and no matter what, they will be there for me. Like Charlies Angels. We fight crime...have great hair...and love Twilight. Were a bunch of twenty something tweens.

Katie said I could murder someone and she would still be my friend. I've been waiting for her to say that. All I want in life is to murder someone and still have a friend to talk to it about with. It's the american dream.

I feel you, kittycupcakemuffinaby.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Dear Chris Brown,

You are fired...and an idiot.

for my bday

My birthday is coming up very soon.
I want these things [admittingly in the know that some things are far fetched.] :

- Andy Samberg in a leotard and heels
- bottle of Sambuca literally with my name on it
- blue wig
- yarn
- canvas
- paint
- records
- new shirt
- bottle of gin
- ravioli from Bravos
- instructional dance video for Beyonces "Single Ladies"
- Robert Pattinson, to have sex with. [below]

Thursday, February 12, 2009

these days.

I just got back from Seattle/Oregon about a week ago. It was so much fun. I loved every minute of it. The west coast is a different world. A beautiful one.
Airports are retarded. I mean, I'm glad we have security more strict than not...but I don't understand why they made me throw away a good amount of toilettre items...I bought a bunch of those little travel size body lotions, soaps and shampoos. They weren't in a ziplock baggy so I had to toss them...I was, needless to say, pissed off. They almost threw my makeup away too. Almost. They went through all my shit. Which is fine...I didn't have anything a huge vibrator or something. But it was a huge pain in my ass. I used to love going to the airport, until this trip. I should have known. I was just so tired, I was not in the mood.

The night I got back, I was really sick. I never thought being jet lagged would mess with my body as much and as long as I thought. It's been a week and I am finally getting my appetite back. I guess I left it up in the sky. Jesse swears he has it, because he can't stop eating. My whole system was thrown way off. My sleeping has been wierd too. It sucks! Plus, I've been a bit sad since I've been back. I went from gorgeous beaches and mountains to freezing, flat, snow covered Indiana.

happenings :

- 25 cent peep show [giggles]
- aquarium, I'm in love with otters and seals
- hostel, amazing...I met so many cool people in the smoking room
- Cha Cha bar
- vietnamese food...never try a quall eggs...yuck.
- Grey art gallery
- Canon Beach
- Haystack Rock
- My seagull friend, French Fry
- unfriendly cab drivers
- pinball machines out the ying yang
- china town

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Martin, you can be honest with me if you want too...I don't want your devils to hold me and haunt....

Thursday, January 29, 2009

new moon

I wish I had gotten more sleep this week.

It's going to be such a long weekend.
Driving to Chicago takes it out of me enough, plus flying 3 more hours after that...
I'm going to be a zombie. But I'm going to plan my sleeping accordingly on the plane.
Order a bloody mary and zonk out.

I remember years ago when I was flying to Arizona with my mother...I fell asleep on the plane and then had a nightmare that I was falling off a cliff or somewhere really high. And then I woke myself up...on an airplane, thousands of feet in the air. Totally uncool and scary.

some photos i like:

bored at work!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


I have a weakness for snowy white cats in pink hats that look like bunny ears.


There is a ridiculous amount of snow on the ground and for some reason, I still had to come into work. Fuck, what a bummer.

This is kinda funny though.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

perfect night.

Last night constisted of these things:

- Enrique
- a gift wrapped joint compliments of Dereck
- Bottle Rocket
- Jack Black
- The Ravonettes
- fruit, cream cheese, and sugar cookies
- Edwec Diggory!
- dancing
- Indian war paint
- a lot of giggling

Thursday, January 22, 2009


White Jeans?? Nooo Posh. No.

desperately need to do laundry.
My clothes all smell like cigarettes and lies. haha.
I don't know where the lie part comes in but it sounded cool.

Why is it that I don't sleep when I should and I only want to sleep when I can't?
It's a real bitch.

Jessica and I started a notebook that we are going to pass around like we did in high school.
We will write notes to eachother and draw pictures of kittens, hearts, and male parts. I saw so many drawn penises in high school. Supergay.
It was wierd.

If I had a superpower, I would have the ability to speed up DVD release dates.

Today is wierd, I feel random.

we're going all the way.

Sometimes, I am so confident in so much.
Sometimes, I am not at all.
It's a toss up, most days.
But I know one thing that is certain today...
I love Sambuca.
And my hair looks fantastic.

T-minus 10 days until Seattle. Stoked. Hyped. All that.
Jesse, Derek and I went over how we were going to get there.
It wont be tricky if one person is thinking straight.

Jesse has the Pravada show on Jan 31st, next Saturday, which everyone needs to go to btw! We go there and steal Jesse away to Chicago, where we will fly out to Seattle. Derek's father works for the airline and got us discount tickets, which means we have to fly stand-by. It's great because if coach fills, we are allowed first class seats. And apparently, there is a dress code for first class. We are all going to look like secret agents. Drunk or newly hungover secret agents. It's going to be fun. I hope we get in first class.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


you are so cute i want to gauge your eyes out...


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

whats up America??

Today is the DAY we are no longer run under George W. Bush. I think that deserves hugs and exploding high fives!

Check these out.

felling any foe with my gaze

This week is going to be the week for me.
I get a massive amount of money for my time and effort with costumes for Alice and Wonderland and Sleeping Beauty.
I guess, it's not massive but it's helpful, for sure.
And I get to pay off many bills.

This week, I want to accomplish:
-go tanning...psh.
-getting high 1 night with Jessica
-Getting Sushi with Alicia
-reading to page 300 in Breaking Dawn [Bella just got knocked up with a mutant vampire baby who is growing really fast in her belly. In result, I'm really mad at Edward. ]
-not eating
-figure out what I'm going to do about Seattle
-watch the rest of season 3 of Arrested Development
-perfecting my boufant.

I will probably just resort in getting drunk and dancing.

Right Marc Bolan?


Friday, January 16, 2009

thinking thoughts.

I have been drinking for the past 3 nights to cope with the weather in general.
It's coming out my pores now.
I bet if you wafted my scent, you would know exactly what I have been drinking for the past 72 hours.
Pine trees.

I woke up today 5 minutes before I was suppose to be at work.
I feel disgusting.

It's freezing in my building.

The only thing I care about lately is my hair.

Wishing for a warm bed and a pack of smokes.

I have a good 800 pages to read in my book. Jessica is reading the same book. She is ahead of me. It's a race. I'm getting defeated.

I'm costuming later on this evening. I haven't seen Justin all week, I miss him.

Call me a jesus diva, but I'm not doing shit until i get a god damn shower.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I'm feel completely deflated today.
I think it's because I have nothing to do on nights now.
YAT is almost over.
I just need a cigarette.


Hooray, I got 4 hours of sleep last night. Up late with Ben, Chanie, Sam, Dereck, Brad, & Aubrey. I was running around my tiny apartment high as a kite filming what I thought were halarious things. Lily Allen was a hot topic. Chanie gives the best back rubs of anyone who has ever lived. It was good ole random night. We listened to some records and drank beer that tasted like apple cider. We watched the Weezer video for "Pork and Beans". It was kinda brilliant. We also watched a handfull of SNL Digital shorts...which are probably the best things in the whole wide world.

This is what I want right now :
I Dream of Jeanie marathon in bed.
SNL Digital Shorts
Andy Samberg. Always.
Chanie company
3 more hours of good sleep in a warm bed with a kitty
scrambled eggs with cinnamon toast

go to this the funniest video in the world. Esspecially when you are high.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Friday, January 9, 2009

Ch-ch-check it out!

Jessica, Katie and I are working on this childrens play right now. Jessica is doing hair, I'm costuming, and Katie is helping me out. Come check it out!!!
January 9, 10, 16, 17 at 7:30 p.m.
Presented by the YAT TEENZ
on the American Cabaret Theatre stage
401 E. Michigan St., Indianapolis
This modern version of Alice starts in the year 2009 when an inner city ninth grader named Alice wakes up to all the people she knows acting extremely strange. Has the entire world changed? Has she lost her mind? Or is this ...a dream, performed by the Young Actors Theatre TEENZ, 8th - 12th graders.
Tickets: $10
On sale during the American Cabaret Theatre box office hours (The box office is open Tuesday - Friday from 10:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.) Or, you may buy tickets at the door.
Questions about the show? Contact YAT at 614-5057.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

ain't that good news?

I've been listening to Sam Cooke all morning. I've definately been listening to (Ain't That) Good news. It's great. And Cupid ofcourse.

Cupid, draw back your bow and let your arrow go...straight to my lovers heart for me....

In other news,
I'm still quite sick.
I reckon I need a doctor.

Monday, January 5, 2009

strain to taste.

I'm so sick, my tastebuds have given up on me.
I can't taste a damn thing. My mom made me lasssssana last night.
I couldn't taste it at all. It's cruel.
These past days have been a blurr. So much cold medicine and blowing my nose.
I suck at self medicating.

I've watched so many movies while in quarentine:
Empire Records
Which is still as halarious as it was in high school.
The Breakfast Club
Sliding Doors
High Fidelity [a cosby sweatah!]
I still need to watch the Star Wars Trilogy.
I'm sure the happiness of watching Star Wars will make my immune system soar.

I stoked for Jan 31st to come. Seattle, seattle, & more seattle with Derek and Jesse Lee in celebration of the Chinese New Year.
Bus to Chicago, plane to Seattle.

Friday, January 2, 2009

putting colors together.

Why do I get so unimpressed when a nice dude seems interested in me romantically?
I don't really think of myself in a harsh way at all.
I'm confident in what I want in life and who I am, even if I might be a little crazy and wild here and there. I can admitt that. I don't have it all figured out. I'm a strong willed lady.
I have a very specific type I suppose.
I like really skinny guys that seem to be complex loners, have a drug problem, who is a complete drunk, and/or some other type of horrible habit/problem. I mean, ofcourse, I seem to find this out later on after I am involved. He has to be completely intense and ridiculously self depricating for me to like him. It' s pathetic of me, really.
Because, I'm not an asshole, I don't have a drug problem, but I am kinda a drunk but whatever. Who isn't at 21? I'm getting to be almost 22, I can hold my drink. Sometimes.
If a sweet, nice guy likes me, I look at them like they are out of their mind, crazy. I find it a complete turn off if good guys like me. I guess there is something wrong with me. Or it is just an extreme case of the bad boys. I want to like nice guys, but they are all so fucking boring. I shouldn't post this. It's too honest and a bit rude. Fuck it. It's the truth.